Relentless Karla: April 2012

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Photo Credit: Adam Smith

Bullying has taken on a new form thanks to modern technology and social media. Cyber bullies believe they can get away by hiding under anonymous identities and worse for the more bold, using their own identities. Freedom of speech is what makes Social Media popular wherein we are all free to say whatever we want to say. Some unfortunately abuse this kind of power. As individuals we have a moral responsibility in using these type of media.

I recall a few months back I posted a picture of me on Facebook which was taken at the Pole Studio albeit I didn't find it offensive, bearing in mind that in this day and age most people still considers the art of pole as taboo, I had my concerns. So I showed the picture to a few friends prior to posting it and they all agreed with me that the picture was not in any way "malaswa" or vulgar.

A girl from my hometown thought otherwise and messaged me privately asking me to delete the picture. I messaged her back and told her to take me off her list since she found my post offensive. I did her a favour and immediately deleted and blocked her. I then ranted on Facebook about it.

I appreciate that I can't please everyone. Looking back, she did ask me nicely and over Private Message no less so maybe I shouldn't have deleted her hastily off my list. Maybe she did mean well. Maybe I was asking for it. Maybe I shouldn't have posted that picture in the first place although I didn't see any reason why not, afterall it was my picture and my account.

Does it sound familiar? We see a lot of rift daily on Facebook and Twitter where people openly bash each other. It somehow reminds me of High School really. But at least in those scenarios once you're away from school, you're safe. This time round it's more personal and it's open to anyone who has access to the world wide web.

A few weeks back I was invited to a newly created group on Facebook, a High School Alumni group. Since I knew the creator of the group, I thought "What a great idea to reconnect people!". I was amused when I saw a couple of old photos plastered all over the wall. The hard copies of the pictures were mine. My bestfriend scanned and posted them a while back on her FB profile. I didn't protest since I knew her profile was limited and it wasn't only pictures of me but pictures of her as well, it was all in good jest. Fast forward and the same photos were posted in a group open to everyone without our permission. Fine, everyone knew what we looked like back then anyway so I took it all in good stride, until I saw the captions. Still I let it go. Well, not entirely. I had loads of old photos so I decided if you can't beat them, join them! I posted a few old pictures on the wall myself. Though mine was with the intention of sharing the old photos without humiliating anyone.

The group has attracted a lot of members all of which are alumni and teachers. I found it a bit concerning that some of the threads were getting out of hand. One example; a teacher welcoming us and giving the alumni support. It had over 90 comments, 95% of which were irrelevant to the main post and some a bit inappropriate.

My phone's Facebook notification is turned on so each and every new post and comment on the group mostly nonsense, was being pushed to my phone. A couple of days ago on my way to work I saw a member posting a picture of Gollum. Only the face was replaced by a member's face. One would think the admin will take action but instead they started a contest. They posted more photos, this time more discriminating. Contest was whoever gets the more likes and comments wins a P300 phone credit. How it is relevant to the purpose of the group I have no clue whatsoever.

I'm afraid words are not enough to give justice in describing the images I'm referring to so I apologise in advance for posting the images. (faces are blocked to protect the individual)

Talk about degrading women, especially bigger built women. How on earth that's acceptable as a form of joke I still can't fully comprehend. Being a full figure woman myself I find the above images revolting and downright disgusting!

Surprisingly though no one said anything. I was concerned since this group was using our Alma Mater's name. One thing that we must remember is that bullies only succeeds when we let them. I decided to use my freedom of speech and posted the below on the wall. I genuinely meant well for the sake of the School which the group is supposedly representing. Pardon the mixed language, I thought it would be easily more understood that way.

Just a quick constructive criticism. Sana waray may ma-offend ha iyo. Posting discriminating and unflattering pics ha BMNHS Alumni Group is irrelevant to the group page plus it makes the group page look tacky and less credible. Plus it's considered bullying which I believe is a serious offence. I thought the main idea of creating the group was to reminisce and reconnect not make fun of each other and himuon na chat room it kada thread. Amo ngani mayda PM. Looking back at the wall posts if mayda nag post hin relevant na announcement or comment d na hikit-an kay matatabunan la hit iba na posts. Saka kaya nga mayda Admin d ba para mayda mag administer ngan mayda ma control hit quality hit group page and to set as a good example! On that note, I'm leaving the group.

Here's the loose translation.

Just a quick constructive criticism. I hope I don't offend anyone. Posting discriminating and unflattering pics on the BMNHS Alumni Group is irrelevant to the group page plus it makes the group page look tacky and less credible. Plus it's considered bullying which I believe is a serious offence. I thought the main idea of creating the group was to reminisce and reconnect not make fun of each other and use threads like a chat room, hence PM was created for tha. Looking back at the wall posts if someone's posted a relevant announcement or comment it will just get buried. And the main reason I thought of having Admin was so someone can administer and control the quality of the group page and to set as a good example! On that note, I'm leaving the group.

Few minutes after I left the group, I saw notifications popping up on my phone. Surprise, surprise! I wasn't the only one with the same sentiments. Few likes and valid comments after my post was conveniently deleted! Another member reposted my post and yet again it was deleted. Clearly it wasn't just me who wanted change. So why delete my post? Obviously their way of silencing me.

Below apparently is the reply to my post. Somehow it sounds like a challenge or a threat to me, what do you reckon? (again loosely translated into English)

This group was created so all the alumni can get to know each other. Anyone can post as long as it's not rude. It's natural in a group to comment and throw banter at each other. Let's not get all too serious because even individuals who have big name's in the professional field can still joke with each other. To those people who doens't like this group you are free to leave and we won't beg you to stay. If you plan to report this group then it's your call. Goodluck to everyone who opposes.

So anyone can post whatever as long as you don't oppose? No wonder my post was deleted. It's sad how we sometimes try to do the right thing and it gets thrown back at our face. Perhaps if they didn't delete my post and instead they let the other members decide and voice out their opinion on the matter as well for the greater good of the group then maybe they would have understood what I meant by constructive criticism.

And in case I'm not making myself clear enough, here's Wiki's definition of constructive criticism;

Constructive Criticism - are often suggestions for improvement, how things could be done better or more acceptably. They draw attention to how an identified problem could be solved, or how it could be solved better.

And with that, I rest my case.

- Relentless Karla -

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